Last week we lost part of
our family.
My amazing dog Dixie
passed away.
It was devastating.
She was getting old but
I didn't expect this to
happen for at least another
couple of years :(
This post may sound silly to
some (which if that is the case I would
stop reading), but if you've had a dog
like her then you can understand.
This is Jess, Dixie & I at the
Alpine Days pet show in 2001 :)
Dixie was really special
to me. To our family.
We got her when I was in
5th grade. I still remember it.
We were in Richfield at my
Grandparents. She was a surprise.
My sisters and I sat on their
lawn in a triangle and she
ran from girl to girl for like
an hour. We were all so happy.
I grew up with her and
for as long as I can remember
she was always my little shadow.
She was part of our family.
I'll never forget, when she was
still a puppy we were playing in
the backyard. Part of our
fence had blown down from one
of those crazy Utah storms.
Something caught her attention
and she bolted out of the backyard.
I ran after her but I wasn't fast
enough. I ran up and down our
street calling out her name as loud
as I could. I was so scared.
Then just as this huge 10 passenger
van drives by I see her bolt in
front of it, towards me.
The van hits Dixie. I screamed
louder than I've ever screamed. I
ran out to her. She was unconscious.
I scooped her up into my arms and
walked over to the grass by the
sidewalk. The girl driving the van
came over and tried to apologize
but I couldn't even speak. I was
crying so hard, but I was praying
even harder. I held Dixie in
my arms and just kept praying.
She was still alive, and I had hope.
I took her home and just held
her in my arms ALL day. When she
finally opened her eyes I made
sure they never closed. One of her
eyes were red and bloodshot. She must
have been so exhausted but I wouldn't
let her go to sleep because I was
scared that she wouldn't open
her eyes again. I took really good
care of her while she was healing.
A few days before all of this
happened I found a few legitimate
4 leaf clovers, no joke. I had
them in a ziplock bag and I left
them on top of Dixie's kennel.
Just for some extra luck.
& lucky us she was okay :)
Heavenly Father let me have
12 more years with my Dixie girl.
Growing up with Dixie was so fun.
She came hiking with us. She
slept on the tramp with us. She
followed behind the horses on horse
rides. She came camping with us.
She made us feel safe.
Whenever I was sad she would
lay in my lap until I was cheered up.
She had a lover dog next door
which resulted in lots of
adorable puppies :)
She was the greatest.
Her favorite things were tug o war,
chasing motorcycles, string cheese,
going on walks, the neighbor dog,
chasing our horses, and more
than anything being with our
family. She was so funny, whenever
we would give her a yummy new bone she would
immediately burry it in the backyard
then go dig it back up later.
My dad texted me this picture
after we moved to CA because he
knew it would make me homesick :)
I love her so much.
So last week, on Tuesday night
I talked to my dad on the phone.
He told me that Dixie wasn't
doing well. I just didn't know
how serious it actually was..
She had an appointment to see the
vet on Wednesday at 2(the next day).
I was debating whether I should
fly back to Utah that night
to see her, or wait and see what
the vet said before I made a
decision. I decided to wait until
she saw the vet. I was worried
about her all night. I was a mess.
Zack and I said lots of prayers
for her that night.
The next day I got a call from
my dad. He was at the vet. He
didn't sound good. He told me that
she was dying and in a lot of pain.
He told me that she hadn't been
able to eat for a day or two,
and that now she was throwing up.
She had a high fever. Her kidneys
were failing. Her body was shutting
down, along with other complications.
My dad said that the vet suggested
putting her to sleep, to stop
the suffering but he wanted to get
my permission first. I was crying
so hard during this conversation
with my dad that I could barely
speak or breath. My worst fear was
happening. I was devastated that I
couldn't be there with her.
She was suffering and I was so far
away. I wish I could have been
there to hold her, take care of
her. I thought maybe they could wait
to put her to sleep. I could fly
down that day and we could bring
her back to the vet the next day.
I wanted so badly to see her and be
there. To tell her goodbye in person.
To help keep her happy during the
last moments of her life.
But there wasn't enough time.
Making her wait for me would have
been completely selfish.
Making her suffer any longer.
My dad said she probably wouldn't
have made it through the night.
When I realized I had to let her
go I became hysterical.
I could hear the pain in my dad's
voice. It broke his heart listening
to me. He told me it would be harder
for me to be there, to go through
this with him. At first I didn't
care, I wanted to be there. But
then I realized he was right. I
wanted to remember Dixie the way I
always had. Happy and care free.
I asked my dad to call me back
when he was in the room with her
again so that I could say goodbye.
I sat on our bedroom floor sobbing.
Zack held me while we waited for
the call. When he called me back
he put the phone on speaker,
so that she could hear me. I
tried not to sound sad, I didn't
want her to know I was sad. I tried
to sound like myself. But I just
couldn't. It was the hardest thing
in the world saying goodbye.
I told my dad to give her a big
hug for me. He did.
This is Dixie at the vet that last day.
My dad took really really
great care of Dixie for me,
which means so much to me.
My dad had it the hardest that day.
He was there with her through it
all. He did everything he could to
take care of her and save her, but
it was her time to go.
My dad buried her out by our horses,
because she loved to chase the horses.
I love my dad so much and I am
so grateful for everything he did,
and does for me. He is the greatest.
He is my hero.
I know that I'll be
with Dixie
again.
I'm happy now that she isn't in
pain. I can just imagine her now
happier than ever, running around
chasing horses. Happy.
xo.
